Chak chak & hush-gush

I remember being a dreamer in childhood. I had my kindergarten studies at Sarah Tucker Nursery and Primary School in Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli, Tamilnadu, India. That was in the year 1972-1973. I have only fade Memories of my childhood at Tirunelveli. But I remember being the fondest student of my class teacher. I always found a seat in front of and near my teacher and enjoyed all privileges otherwise not enjoyed by my class mates. It seems that from that junction of life, I started to be bestowed upon respect by my class mates, colleagues or fellow travelers. When people around you consider you to be a different or extraordinary, they start showing respect which slowly peel off the envelope of love and togetherness. An extraordinary person will never be loved by anyone. He will be alone and alone throughout his life even though he seems to be surrounded by loved ones. His companion would be dreams. I remember dreaming about many things which in my life I found materializing. While I was in St Roch’s Convent, Trivandrum Kerala, India pursuing my primary school studies, I dreamed of having a radio like object on which my mother can see me what I am doing in school. My mother used to tell that she has an invisible eye to see me while I am in school. She asked me not to do any mischiefs in school, but study. I knew that is impossible. Even though I thought of such instrument, I thanked for not having such an instrument through which mother can see me while I am away from home. During interval time, I go near the compound wall of the school. School is near to the sea shore and an airport. I will sharpen my ears to hear the hush-gush sound of the waves. The salty air rub my hair and face. I feel the salty air. I visualized the sea trying in vain to attain something. His legs are tied under the deep. Even though the sea is mighty and ferocious, he is helpless. No one understand him. Everyone come to the sea shore and admires the beauty of the sea, enjoys the sunrise and sunset. But no one perceives his grief. Later in my life, I found these happen to all. Particularly it happens to me…

“When my heart is in pain

For me.”

I wrote these lines recently. I realize to have discovered this truth much earlier in my life.

True it is, the sea and the train had influenced me a lot. My father was an employee in Indian Railways. He was a Station master. So we did lot of travel in trains. Train symbolizes a journey of life. We get in when we are born. We alight when we die. In between the travel, we see many faces. Many faces….

The chak-chak sound of train is in my heart from the childhood. So is the hush- gush of the sea.

Chak chak my life moves on…

Hush – gush I search “you”… And the search for “you” makes the life eventful